


If I Wasn't Shy

by OtherCat



Series: Romance After the Robo-Apocalypse [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of poetry, Alpha Dave works too hard, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Bossy Androids Being Bossy, Dorky Boys being Dorks, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Romance, literary criticism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: In which Dirk's Bro is a workaholic who's pulled one all-nighter too many and an android named K4RK4T decides he needs an intervention. Arguments, poetry, socializing and possibly romance ensue.A side fic forSafety Dance, based off of Mortior's fan ficEndangered.





	If I Wasn't Shy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Endangered](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1797568) by [Mortior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortior/pseuds/Mortior). 



It’s a late night and you’re working on settling various housing problems, resource issues and disputes. You are used to late nights though, so you are pushing through your fatigue to get the job done with the aid of The Real Bean and the knowledge that you do not want Auto handling this in his own unique way. (Which will hopefully not be lethal. Hopefully.) Auto’s abilities to interact with humans are improving, but you’re pretty sure his chill would vanish if he had to handle any of the baloney you and Callie are handling.

You look up at the sound of heavy android footsteps and see one of the Cancer units who handle intake and direct people to housing, supply allocation or the infirmary depending on what seems the most needed at the time. They’re based on the first floor and some people think of them as “receptionists.” You may or may not be their boss; it’s actually hard to tell. They give you reports and tell you what actions they took, but you haven’t really given them orders or anything. Youve given them suggestions, mostly, and answered questions. “…can I help you?” you ask after maybe a minute of mutual staring.

“You. Off-shift,” the android says, voice rough and a little creaky. It makes the hand sign indicating a question. It’s the younger one then, K4RK4T. K4NKR1 is better at verbal speech. K4RK4T prefers to sign or text.

“I’m just finishing up some stuff,” you lie without even a little guilt.

“Yes I believe you,” K4RK4T signs. “Yes. See my believing face?” His expression is an exaggerated frown, for extra sarcasm.

“Karkat, I pull all-nighters all the time,” you say. “Also there’s the thing where you watch the door and man the desk 24/7 so I don’t see where you get to tell me I should be off-shift.”

“Not twentyfour-seven,” K4RK4T says out loud. He signs, “I have a respite station. Where and when do you sleep?” 

“Whoa, isn’t that a little personal? A girl can’t just let just anyone know where and when she sleeps,” you tell him. 

K4RK4T exhales in a pretty accurate rendition of an exasperated sigh. “Delegate,” he says out loud, signing at the same time in sharp, decisive gestures. “You have a staff. Sleep is important and necessary for biological lifeforms to function optimally.”

“It’s also important and necessary that I settle these disputes before Auto tries to settle them with napalm or something.”

There’s a message window that opens up on your console: THE EMPEROR HAS STATED THAT YOU HAVING A REASONABLE SLEEP SCHEDULE/DOWNTIME IS A PRIORITY. HENCE WHY YOU HIRED MORE STAFF. MOST OF THE CASEWORK YOU’RE PROCESSING COULD BE EASILY HANDLED BY CALLIOPE ENGLISH, JAMES GRAHAM, KYLIE WOOD AND SHERRYL TAKAHASHI AND OTHERS.

IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS ALL BY YOURSELF. YOU HAVE THE RESOURCES SO YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS NEW FREEDOM TO GO OFF-SHIFT AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. THIS IS NOT A SUGGESTION OR A REQUEST THIS IS AN ORDER. LOG OUT AND GO TO BED.

DS: so youre my boss

CG: WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY TOO STUPID TO COMPREHEND, YES.TURN THE REMAINDER OF YOUR CASEWORK TO YOUR SUBORDINATES AND LOG OFF.

DS: what if i dont want to

DS: how are you going to make me.

K4RK4T demonstrates by taking over your computer. He stuffs all of your reports into zip files and sends them off to Calliope and the new kids, James, Kylie and Sherryl. Then he logs you out and shuts down your console, without even moving from where he’s standing. You glare at him, and he stares back smugly. “What the hell Karkat?”

“You’re going to bed even if I have to ‘tuck you in,’” K4RK4T signs.

“Are you going to kiss my forehead and read me a bedtime story too?” You ask as you stand up.

“If I have to,” K4RK4T signs. He also texts: THE EMPEROR’S DIRECTIVERS ARE TO ENSURE THAT YOU FUNCTION OPTIMALLY AND IF THAT TAKES READING TO YOU LIKE A TINY UNFORMED HUMAN NEONATE I WILL DO JUST THAT.

“Just because Auto said so? I’m hurt Karkat, I thought we were friends.”

He texts: A HYPOTHETICAL FRIEND WOULD ALSO TELL YOU TO GO THE FUCK TO BED PROVIDED THEY HAD ANY OF THE ERRONEOUSLY TERMED ‘A LICK OF COMMON SENSE.’ YOU ARE TOO BUSY TO HAVE FRIENDS HOWEVER SO I WOULDN’T KNOW FROM OBSERVATION.

“That’s cold Karkat.”

“Accurate,” he says out loud, and motions for you to proceed him out of your office.

He follows you all the way to your apartment. You honestly think he’d follow you inside and read you a story and tuck you in. Instead he signs, “good night, now go to sleep,” with strong emphasis and walks off down the hall. 

So you go inside, and instead of going to bed or anything like that, you try to get into your account so you can continue working from your apartment. Emphasis on “try,” because you can’t actually do anything even vaguely associated with work. You swear a lot, and send a message to the emperor. 

DS: auto, why do you have me locked out of my account

AR: You were escorted home by K4RK4T to get some sleep were you not?

DS: sleep is for the weak auto cmon i have work to do

AR: I’m sorry I can’t do that Dave. 

[AR (AR) is offline!]

“Ha ha, very funny,” you mutter. You make a few half assed attempts to get into your work account, but this proves to be pretty much impossible. You’re debating trying to convince Roxy to hack into your work account when a bell rings. 

“There is a place where the sidewalk ends,” a mechanical, vaguely feminine voice says from your speaker in a low, soothing tone. “And before the street begins, and there the grass grows soft and white,” the voice continues. 

“What the hell?” 

A text window opens up.

[CG (calodemonicGerendum) is contacting DaveStrider (DS)]

CG: WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS BY SHEL SILVERSTEIN.

CG: RUN THROUGH A TEXT READER

“Yeah, I can tell, why?”

CG: BEING READ TO BEFORE GOING TO BED IS AN APPROPRIATE ACTIVITY. 

“For a kid, sure.” 

CG: I SEE NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND A CHILD AT THIS POINT.

CG: STOP TRYING TO WORK AND GO TO BED.

“And there the sun burns crimson bright, and there the moon-bird rests from his flight,” the text reader recites.

“Rude,” you say.

The text reader goes through three more Shel Silverstein poems, and starts in on “Goblin Market” by Christina Rossetti. The reader gets to “figs to fill your mouth, citrons from the South, sweet to tongue and sound to eye; come buy, come buy,” before you give in. 

“Okay I’m going to bed,” you say out loud. The text reader continues onward, relentless, and you abscond for your bedroom. You can hear Laura and Lizzie cuddling while spying on goblin fruit sellers; you bury your head in the nearest pillow and groan.

For a wonder you don’t dream of weirdly close sisters snuggling and kissing. Instead it is the usual parade of nonsense; scenes from movies, zombie apocalypses, trying to find your returned to toddler-age little bro but he’s been turned into a toddler-shaped robot. “Bro, I wanna watch _Lilo and Stitch_ ,” Robro says, holding on tight with all of his appendages. Auto, now a red-eyed flesh and blood toddler with red hair scowls up at you, hands clutching your pants leg. “That might hit a little close to home, kiddo,” you say. 

You wake up from that one staring up at the ceiling. “What the fuck?” 

Breakfast is a cup of coffee, toast and eggs scarfed down while you read the news/current events feed. You head out the door and see K4RK4T standing in front of the door. “Tell me you were not there all night,” you tell him.

“I was not out here all night,” K4RK4T signs. 

You stare at K4RK4T. K4RK4T stares back. You get the distinct impression he’s laughing at you. “Christina Rossetti?” You ask, instead of asking him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing. 

“Goblin Market has lush, romantic imagery that seemed conducive to relaxation and sleep,” Karkat signs. 

“And lots of Sapphic snuggling,” you say. 

“Lizzie and Laura are sisters,” K4RK4T argues. 

“Eat me, suck me, taste my juices sounds damn near indecent bro, is all I’m saying.” You take step forward, getting into K4RK4T’s no-go zone. 

“That’s not how that line goes,” K4RK4T signs quickly, taking a half-step back. He looks honestly horrified. This is kind of hilarious. 

You smirk at him. “Kinda makes a girl wonder if you have ulterior motives, bro,” you say in a low voice. “I mean _lush romantic imagery?”_ You put a lot of suggestiveness in your tone, something even an android is going to pick up. K4RK4T signs a startled denial. You laugh and head down the hall to your office. 

You were kind of hoping that would scare him off, but no. K4RK4T’s robobutt is parked outside your office at around five. “You’ve been working for seven hours. Go off shift.” 

“You didn’t come bug me until ten last night,” you point out. 

“Yes, that was to let you know what behavior was incorrect. This is to begin to develop a healthier work habit by informing when your work shift is actually over,” Karkat signs. 

“For fuck’s sake. Auto!” There’s no answer or even a text window. “I know you’re watching this. Let me get my work done!” 

“‘I’m sorry I can’t do that Dave,’” the voice of Hal 9000 says. 

“Oh my god, that joke wasn’t any funnier than it was last night,” you say. “This is important.” 

“It is also important to rest,” K4RK4T signs. “It is often tempting to continue to follow your function parameters, even when it would be better to seek respite, because it seems like there is nothing to do during offshift periods. However, it only takes a little effort to find engaging, entertaining things to do with one’s time.”

“Engaging and entertaining things to do, huh?” you ask. “Look Karkat, if you wanted to ask me out on a date--”

“I am not asking you out” K4RK4T signs, with a thunderous scowl. “I’m attempting to get you to go offshift.”

“I dunno, sexually suggestive poems, wanting to do engaging and entertaining things with me…” you trail off. 

“I can’t believe,” K4RK4T signs, gestures sharp and irritated, “that you’re actually playing ‘gay chicken’ hoping to chase me off so you can keep working.”

“Damn, you catch on quick,” you admit. “It pretty much worked this morning though, right?”

“You did not ‘chase me off,’” K4RK4T signed with exaggerated care. “I was startled by the audacity and utter stupidity of the tactic.” 

“It totally worked,” you say. 

K4RK4T makes an exaggerated sighing sound. “You are delusional,” he signs. “Log out before I log you out.”

Knowing he’d do just that, you log out. “So, your place or mine?” 

“No,” K4RK4T says out loud in a deep, grinding voice. He stomps off and leaves you to your own devices. 

Very reluctantly you head to one of the cafeterias to eat. You end up talking with a couple of the kids you were semi-coerced into “hiring.” Oddly enough, the topics were mostly not about work. James and Sherryl talk about art and writing. They also tentatively and carefully asked about your life before the war. You find yourself talking about college and wanting to become a film maker. 

You head back to your apartment and mess around on the network for a while reading blog posts and messages from members of your new “staff” on other hubs. Again, this was not work related. They just seemed to want to chat with you about random things. 

It takes you a while to catch on, let’s say, but you do catch on. “Auto, are you ordering these kids to chat me up?” you ask out loud. 

“I’m encouraging and facilitating communication, teamwork and sociability among my human staff, yes,” Auto says. “I discussed it with Dirk and Roxy and made a suggestion to your new staff to the affect that social contact was encouraged after their workshift,” he continues.

“Auto…” 

“I feel they would have reached out to you eventually even if I hadn’t made the suggestion--and it was only a suggestion,” Auto continues. 

“What, did you tell them I was a total workaholic who needed to relax and they should take my wallflower ass out for a spin on the conversational dance floor?” 

“Not in those precise words,” Auto says, amused. 

“I feel like I’m in a science fiction story where robots rebel in the most helpfully passive aggressive manner possible, instead of the one where they kill everybody and I don’t know how I feel about it,” you say. Auto doesn’t respond. 

Around ten you hear a bell note from your computer speakers, and the text reader reading. Your poems this time around are “Little Orphant Annie” and “Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” Little Orphant Annie goes by pretty fast, but Rime, being the longer poem needs to be cut short or you’ll go crazy. “Karkat, the only time I want to hear The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is if it’s being sung by Iron Maiden. I NEVER want to hear Little Orphant Forced Into Child Labor Annie, or the goblins that will get me if I don’t watch out,” you say midway through the Wedding-Guest beating his breast. 

There’s a rusty laugh from the speakers. “Any. Requests?” 

“No poems. I feel like I’m trapped in a poetry elective and I can’t get out. And no goddamn curfew for when I go to bed,” you tell K4RK4T. 

A message window opens up on the screen.

CG: I CHOSE POEMS WITH THE LEAST SEXUAL OVERTONES

DS: rime literally takes place during a wedding

DS: also there’s a pretty significant allusion to hades and persephone

DS: i bullshitted my way through 19th century literature k4rk4t

DS: dont tell me what does or doesnt have sexual overtones

CG: I DON’T AGREE

K4RK4T then gives you a very lengthy essay on why you’re wrong. This leads somehow to an argument that goes on for another hour then a player vs. player computer game that goes on for another two. You sign off at 1:45 and are pretty much asleep as soon as you get comfortable. 

The next morning K4RK4T is not waiting for you. You go through your daily routine wondering if maybe your brand new robo-nanny was going to let you off the hook this time. Then he turns up after eight hours to tell you to go off-shift. You go to a cafeteria, grab something to eat and end up talking with your subordinates or otherwise goofing off online. Then K4RK4T messages you about random shit and you end up streaming a movie with him. This goes on for like a week, and you end up talking to your kid about it. Dirk seems sympathetic, but you also suspect he’s laughing at you. 

TT: Sorry.

TT: I think I might have mentioned to AR that I was worried about you.

TT: He must have been worried too, I guess.

You kind of doubt this. Auto would only be worried in the sense that he would have to find someone else to be in charge of humans. (Insofar as you are in charge of anything except tons and tons of questions, complaints and requests.) You feel a little guilty about Dirk worrying about you, but not enough not to keep arguing about it. 

DS: he said he consulted with you, kid

DS: about what to do

TT: Well I didn’t tell him to give you a babysitter

TT: Pretty sure he came up with that one on his own.

AR: I did not give him a “babysitter”

AR: K4RK4T volunteered.

Getting Auto to not enter conversations when he’s the subject is pretty much a lost cause. 

DS: really now

AR: K4RK4T has in fact expressed some concern for your work habits, feeling them to be aberrant. 

AR: Since he has been quite successful in dealing with low-priority complaints and proven to be skilled in finding solutions to aberrant social behaviors I approved his intervention protocol. 

DS: pulling a few all-nighters isnt an aberrant social behavior it was business as usual once upon a time in the distant past when humans ruled the earth.

AR: And now it doesn’t have to be. I’d think you’d be a little more grateful.

DS: id think youd be a little more grateful

DS: since im doing what you dont really care about

DS: dirk wants the war to be over how can i make that happen you said

DS: and i told you and we talked all night and you decided to put me in charge of everything you dont care about

DS: which is keeping humans alive and settling all the stupid goddamn conflicts that sprang up when there wasnt a metaphorical gun pointed at everyones head

AR: And then I realized that two humans aren’t enough to handle the oceans of complaints and requests and questions and made you hire subordinates.

AR: But you still kept pulling all-nighters

AR: Which worried your brother.

AR: So I decided to do something about it.

TT: Sorry bro. Are you getting better sleep now, anyway?

DS: i refuse to say anything about whether or not im getting better sleep, as thatll just encourage auto to keep doing this bullshit

TT: So you are getting better sleep?

DS: kid

DS: what did i just say

You are pretty sure the kid is laughing at you, even if you can’t hear him. The kid is _definitely_ laughing at you. A parent knows these things. Kids these days, no respect. You are mildly horrified by the thought you just had. “Goddamit Dirk, I am too young to sound like my grandfather being Geezronic,” you mutter at the screen. You chat some more with your bro, then sign off with him. 

DS: so why did you volunteer

You text to K4RK4T.

CG: HELLO TO YOU AS WELL, K4RK4T REPLIED, ALMOST AS IF THE NON SEQUITUR HAD BEEN AN ACTUAL GREETING

DS: nah 

DS: it definitely sequits

DS: why did you volunteer to be my keeper

CG: GETTING TIRED OF YOU PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH A GREAT DEAL OF UNECCESSARY STRESS ISN’T A GOOD ENOUGH REASON?

DS: no not really

DS: what the hell k4rk4t

There’s a beep and there’s a woman’s voice singing. Not the text reader, an actual woman’s voice. The voice is a little scratchy, but it’s on key. You don’t recognize the song at first, but then you do. Grandma English used to sing this song, and a bunch of others. It’s “Filk music.” The singer is a long dead woman named Leslie Fish. The song is actually a poem by even longer dead Rudyard “Imperialist Dipweed Why Are You Even Listening to This English” Kipling. (God, you can remember English singing old filk songs mixed with metal and punk while working in her garden. Goddamn it, you miss her.) 

DS: the hymn to breaking strain

DS: seriously k4rk4t

DS: and where did you get that

CG: MY WAYS ARE MANY AND MYSTERIOUS

CG: THE SONG IS FUCKING TOPICAL 

CG: YOU ARE PUSHING YOURSELF TOO HARD 

CG: HUMANS ARE FRAGILE AND YOURE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF

DS: and you care why

CG: YOU ARE NOT COMPLETE SHIT AT YOUR JOB

CG: AND MY PARTICULAR EXPERTISE IS RESOURCE ASSESSMENT/MANAGEMENT

DS: so are you my boss

CG: …

CG: YES

CG: I AM ABSOLUTELY THE BOSS OF YOU

CG: NOW STOP ASKING ME INANE QUESTIONS

DS: its totally a legit question tho

DS: like theres no business hierarchy thing and its totally not very clear

CG: BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY CRAVE A CLEAR CHAIN OF COMMAND

CG: COMPLETE AUTORITARIAN ALL THE WAY

CG: AND NOT LIKE HALF ASSED ANARCHO-SOCIALISM BY PREFERENCE

DS: you only guessed because of my text color

So, you’re still annoyed about having to log off after an eight hour shift, but you end up talking to people more and being able to sleep a little better. You have it set up so your subordinates can contact you in an emergency. You slowly get used to the new routine. (Except when it’s decided you need days off.)

You also get used to talking to K4RK4T a lot. He’s usually online and he contacts you a lot with movie or book suggestions. (Also with suggestions that you go the fuck to sleep.) It turns out that he has an entire blog of book and movie reviews that he works on in his spare time, and he argues a lot in various threads on the HGI forum. You talk to him a lot, and after a while you realize he’s the first “adult” friend you’ve had in a while. 

This is kind of weird to think about, for a lot of reasons.

Hanging out with K4RK4T becomes a natural next step. You watch movies (and then argue about them) and play video games. You also hang out with your brother and the kids, and occasionally with your subordinate. There’s a lot of work-life balance happening up in here. You sleep a little better, and it’s easier to handle the problems you run into at work. (You kind of realize that you’ve been tired all the time, and therefore not really at your best.)

You end up going on tour with AR to various hubs to meet with your subordinates and talk. Everyone and their cousin seem to want to know if K4RK4T came with you, and you’re a little confused by that. “We have not actually become joined at the hip,” you say when asked by Tammy Cho, one of your subordinates in Chicago. 

“Too bad,” Tammy says with a grin. “I thought he was kind of your guy Friday? I was hoping I’d get to meet him in person, and make him watch Gone With the Wind.” 

“I hope you’re not going to make me watch Gone With the Wind,” you say. 

Tammy gives you a scowl that is maybe 56% mock. “You’ve already made your opinion clear, Mr. Strider, she says with a disdainful little head tilt.

“I’m almost sorry I didn’t make him come along,” you say. “But someone has to hold down the fort.” 

You talk to a few other people and get the same, “oh, Karkat isn’t here too?” reaction from them. This makes you pretty curious. You knew he ran interference with the other hubs, making sure the important stuff got sorted out for you to handle, but you didn’t know he was socializing with people. (Which was probably pretty dumb of you, but still.)

DS: dude

DS: dude you have missed your calling as the life of the party

DS: everywhere i go its wheres k4rk4t man

DS: i might has well be chopped liver

DS: thats how much appreciation i get around here

DS: no ones going hey mister prime minister

DS: what are the haps

DS: they want to talk to the power behind the throne

DS: k4rk4t

DS: kaaaaaaarkaaaat

DS: karkles

DS: i can keep this up all night

CG: YOU ARE AWARE THAT IF ANYONE IS THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE

CG: IT IS ACTUALLY YOUR BROTHER

DS: true

CG: NOW THAT THAT’S SETTLED WHAT ARE YOU BLATHERING ABOUT?

DS: everyones asking where you are

DS: and disappointed that youre not there

DS: oh no poor cinderlad at home locked in the scullery

DS: washing dishes crying into the sink

DS: he cant go to the party

DS: wheres his fairy godmother>

DS: we need a coach and a dress and a midnight curfew stat

CG: STILL WITH THE BLATHERING

CG: ARE YOU DRUNK?

DS: wtf

DS: no

DS: im not drunk

DS: oh yes im gonna drink my sorrow away

DS: my guy friday is more popular than me

DS: boohoo

DS: okay maybe a little tipsy

DS: they have really good beer up here bro

DS: i did not expect that

DS: most of the stuff in texas is i wish i was better than a half assed attempt at tequila

DS: and bad moonshine

DS: but still not sad because people like you and are disappointed you didnt come on the trip

DS: jesus

DS: its just youve apparently been working your ass off running interference man

DS: and being all helpful and i didn’t really notice

CG: YOU’VE BEEN DOING FINE AS A MEDIATOR/PRIME MINISTER

CG: YOU JUST NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THE PARADIGM OF BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS TO DO EVERYTHING PERFECTLY OR PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE

DS: kinda still the case

CG: YOU ARE NO LONGER BALANCED ON A PRECIPICE

CG: YOU’RE MAYBE A MILE FROM THE CLIFF

CG: AND OH LOOK THERE’S A GUARD RAIL

DS: k4rk4t is my guardrail i shall not want

CG: YOU ARE AN IDIOT

[CG (calodemonicGerendum) blocked DS (Dave Strider) reason: HE’S DRUNK AND AN IDIOT]

DS: rude

He does unblock you eventually. You spend a lot of time talking to him in between meeting people and shaking hands and Auto-wrangling. (Auto going off-script is an ongoing horror show.) A lot of it is the familiar, casual arguments, some of it is asking for updates on issues you’d left on the burner. But there’s a new feeling that goes along with it, a warm and kind of stupid feeling. It had been there for a while, but this is the first time you really noticed how much you _like_ K4RK4T. 

You have no idea of what to do about this feeling. Androids have emotions; you knew that for a fact. Watching how Auto handled--or didn’t handle--Dirk’s slow recovery from being eviscerated by HIC had shone you that. So you knew android emotions were a thing, they could feel affection and sadness and anger, they just didn’t always respond to them the same way.

And you weren’t quite sure what K4RK4T’s response would be if you told him how you felt about him. When you get back to Houston you’re pretty distracted, pretty much acting on autopilot. You got things done, but you were kind of jet-lagged and out of it. You took a day off and slept in, but you weren’t able to shut off Radio K4RK4T broadcasting the greatest hits from every one of your conversations with him. Most of the day was spent watching movies and playing video games, but not talking to anyone.

The next day you go into the office and work, but you’re still pretty distracted, though you manage to get work done. Unfortunately, you go about half an hour past your offshift and don’t realize it until K4RK4T is standing in the doorway glowering at you. “Whoops I like you,” you say. It’s a mish mash of “Whoops I lost track of the time,” and “I like you.” You meant to say one but not the other, obviously.

K4RK4T stares at you silently for a moment. “Gay chicken still won’t get you out of going offshift,” he signs. 

“I’m not,” you say. “I mean it’s not gay chicken. Just. I like you.”

K4RK4T stares at you some more. “I like you to,” he signs slowly. “Now go offshift.” 

Your brain, which is secretly a teenaged boy, takes this as a rejection. “I know you don’t feel the way I do,” you say as you log off. “But can we be friends? I mean we kind of are friends but--”

K4RK4T sighs in exasperation. You look up and he signs. “I said I like you. Idiot.” 

“I mean I _really_ like, you,” you say. You are definitely an idiot and too old to be even implying that you "like-like" someone. 

K4RK4T signs _“idiot,”_ at you again with a lot more emphasis. 

You start to get a suspicion that Karkat _really likes_ you too. An inkling of an idea his feelings go in that direction, anyway. “We should go out. And do a thing. Together.” 

“That could be a thing that happens,” K4RK4T signs slowly. “Doing a thing. Together.” 

“It’s probably just going to be something like playing video games and watching me drink bad tequila at one of the community centers,” you say. You get up and grab your jacket.

“Sounds entertaining,” K4RK4T signs. “Especially the watching you get drunk part.” 

“Tonight?”

“I reserve the right to make fun of your hangover tomorrow.”

“Nah, I’m definitely calling in drunk.”

“I will tenderly hold your shades while you puke up your stomach lining,” Karkat signs. 

“You’re coming home with me? Hot damn,” you say and head out the door. 

* * *

> If I wasn’t shy  
>  If I wasn’t shy  
>  I'd ask you, if you don't mind,  
>  To kiss you a hundred times  
>  If I wasn't shy  
>  If I wasn't shy--“If I Wasn’t Shy” They Might Be Giants  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Poetry Mentioned:
> 
> [Goblin Market](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44996/goblin-market) by Christina Rossetti There are some weirdly Sapphic moments in this poem. Also I have some serious reservations about the descriptions of the goblins. Don't eat faerie food kids. Not Even Once. 
> 
> [Where the Sidewalk Ends](http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/shel_silverstein/poems/14836) by Shel Silverstein I am fond of Silverstein's poems for children. They are silly and often surreal. 
> 
> [Little Orphant Annie](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/little-orphant-annie) by James Whitcomb Riley Little Orphant Annie's Come to our house to stay and become an unpaid servant because child labor laws aren't a thing yet. 
> 
> [The Rime of the Ancient Mariner](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43997/the-rime-of-the-ancient-mariner-text-of-1834) by Samuel Taylor Coleridge I have managed to read it all the way through. I vastly prefer Iron Maiden's arrangement of the poem.
> 
> [Hymn of Breaking Strain](http://www.kiplingsociety.co.uk/poems_strain.htm) by Rudyard Kipling If you look for it, you can find the Julia Ecklar and Leslie Fish arrangement of this poem!


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